About Toby
Toby Messer is a psychotherapist who combines practical tools with deeper reflection to help people make change. He focuses on understanding why behaviours and feelings happen now, and on taking steps that bring clearer results in day-to-day life.
He draws on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to give people concrete strategies for stress, anxiety and mood concerns. He also uses attachment-based and client-centred ideas to explore patterns in relationships and self-worth.
Background and approach
Sessions aim to balance short-term coping skills with longer-term insight. Toby has worked in the field for 11 years and holds the NCPS credential. That background supports a mix of practical problem solving and thoughtful exploration.
He helps people dealing with grief, depression, addictions, trauma, intimacy difficulties and issues connected to LGBT identity among other concerns. Common topics he helps people with include sleep and eating struggles, parenting strain, career stress, anger and coping with life changes. He also works with complex or persistent difficulties such as bipolar, ADHD and compassion fatigue.
The focus is on clear steps people can try between sessions. People can expect a collaborative approach where the therapist listens, asks questions and offers techniques suited to their situation. Toby aims to make sessions straightforward and useful, supporting people as they move towards clearer choices and more manageable days.
What Toby works with
Everything Toby lists, in their own terms. LGBT is the reason Toby is listed here; the rest shows what else Toby works with.
- Stress, Anxiety
- Relationship issues
- Grief
- Self esteem
- Depression
- Addictions
- LGBT
- Family conflicts
- Trauma and abuse
- Intimacy-related issues
- Eating disorders
- Sleeping disorders
- Parenting issues
- Anger management
- Career difficulties
- Bipolar disorder
- Coping with life changes
- Coaching
- Compassion fatigue
- ADHD
- Abandonment
- Aging and geriatric issues
- Antisocial personality
- Attachment issues
- BDSM, kink, and alternative sex culture
- Blended family issues
- Body image
- Cancer
- Caregiver issues and stress
- Chronic pain, illness, and disability
- Codependency
- Commitment issues
- Communication problems
- Control issues
- Coping with natural or human-caused disaster
- Dependent personality
- Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder (DMDD)
- Dissociation
- Divorce and separation
- Domestic violence
- Drug and alcohol addiction
- Eating and food-related issues
- Emptiness
- Family of origin issues
- Family problems
- Fatherhood issues
- Fertility issues
- First responder issues
- Forgiveness
- Gender dysphoria
- Guilt and shame
- Hoarding
- Hospice and end-of-life counselling
- Impulsivity
- Infidelity
- Isolation / loneliness
- Jealousy
- Life purpose
- Men's issues
- Midlife crisis
- Veteran and Armed Forces Issues
- Money and financial issues
- Mood disorders
- Multicultural concerns
- Narcissism
- Obsessions, compulsions, and OCD
- Panic disorder and panic attacks
- Paranoia
- Personality disorders
- Phobias
- Polyamory / non-monogamous relationships
- Postpartum depression
- Post-traumatic stress
- Pregnancy and childbirth
- Process addiction (porn, exercise, gambling)
- Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
- Self-harm
- Self-love
- Sex addiction
- Sexual assault and abuse
- Sexual dysfunction
- Sexuality
- Social anxiety and phobia
- Trichotillomania
- Workplace issues
- Young adult issues
Approaches Toby lists
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
- Attachment-Based Therapy
- Client-Centred Therapy
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
- Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT)
- Existential Therapy
- Jungian Therapy
- Mindfulness Therapy
- Motivational Interviewing
- Psychodynamic Therapy
- Solution-Focused Therapy
- Trauma-Focused Therapy
- Systemic Therapy
Listing an approach is not evidence of training in it. This directory copies what each counsellor names and does not check training records.
How Toby's approaches translate to online therapy
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helps people notice unhelpful thoughts and still move towards what matters to them. It teaches simple exercises to reduce avoidance and build values-based action. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) focuses on identifying patterns of thinking and behaviour that maintain distress and trying practical experiments to change them. This can be useful for anxiety, low mood and sleep or eating concerns. Attachment-Based Therapy looks at how early and current relationship patterns shape feeling and behaviour, and helps people try different ways of relating that feel safer and more effective.Finding the right approach is part of the therapeutic process. Toby will work collaboratively to decide which methods best fit a person's needs, goals and preferences. He combines tools when helpful and checks in regularly to see what is useful and what needs adjusting.
The biography does not list which online session formats are provided, so please confirm available options before booking. Online therapy can make it easier to fit sessions into a busy week, reduce travel time and allow shorter check-ins when needed. It also allows ongoing work for people living outside the United Kingdom, since international clients are accepted. Registered or accredited professionals can tailor sessions to practical constraints and help make therapy fit everyday life.
Questions people ask about Toby
What concerns does this counsellor address?
Toby supports people with stress, anxiety, depression and grief. He also works with relationship and intimacy-related issues, addictions, bipolar and ADHD among other areas.
What is the therapist's approach in sessions?
Sessions mix practical behavioural methods and deeper talking work. Techniques from CBT, DBT and ACT are used alongside attachment-based and client-centred ideas.
How much experience does the counsellor have?
He has 11 years of experience working in psychotherapy and counselling settings. That experience informs a balance of short-term skills and longer-term reflection.
What credentials and region are listed?
The profile lists NCPS as a credential and notes practice in the United Kingdom.
Which languages and international options are available?
Sessions are offered in English, and the therapist accepts international clients.
What session formats are offered?
The biography does not specify session formats; please confirm current options before booking to ensure the format suits your needs.
How are costs handled?
Cost varies with location and therapist availability, and sessions use a subscription that can be cancelled at any time.
How do I begin working with this therapist?
Select the Start Therapy button, complete a short matching questionnaire, and then schedule according to therapist availability.
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